Friday, August 13, 2010
I'm Mad! And I'm not gonna take it anymore...maybe....
I wasn't working, so I had the summer to do what I wanted: hang out with my friend, Dawn, shopping and seeing movies, spending time at our cottage, going canoing and generally enjoying the freedom that you have for such a short time in your life.
As college loomed closer and closer, though, I got scared. The book I was supposed to read was hard, and I could only imagine that this was all me, and not the book. I started to think that college was going to be way too tough for me. Sure, I had done really well in high school, but I went to Podunk High, in the backwater of the outskirts of rural Michigan. All those other kids headed to college went to places like Bright and Shiny College Preparatory Academy, and I would be the dunce.
For me, this fear came out as anger, and the closest and best target was my mom. After all, Mom loves me, and no matter how much crap I give her, she's not going anywhere. So I spent a lot of time that summer being a brat to my mom.
And is so often the case, both God and karma have a sense of humor. (Yes, I am well aware that karma is not a Catholic belief...but I think there is a strong argument for "what goes around comes around".) Eldest Son leaves for university in just a few short weeks, and he is rather...insufferable. He knows everything, he's very put-out when asked to do anything because his life takes priority over everything, and he doesn't need any of us....unless he wants something, of course. I'm trying not to take it personally, because I remember very clearly the wholly exasperated look on my mom's face as I was screaming irrationally about not being able to use the car for an afternooon.
Mom didn't leave, and neither will I. I will have a glass of wine tonight though, and call my mom tomorrow to apologize (again) for that summer. Eldest Son will be fine, and he, too, will realize that he's not the center of the universe ("Please, God, help Eldest Son realize that he is not the center of the universe.")
I finished the book. I can't say that I understood all of it, but when I got to college, I found out I was the only one on my wing of the dorm that had finished it. Everyone else said it was too hard.