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Just the way I want it

The question is:  do I really mean what I pray?

Doing "church work" is sometimes an odd thing.  (Actually, a LOT of the time it's an odd thing...)  Some of the stuff I do is pretty routine:  paperwork, answering emails, planning, making phone calls:  the sort of stuff many people do when they are at work.

On the other hand, church work is a totally different animal:  I'm not selling a product, I'm not distributing a "thing" or balancing income and outgo.  The work I do is leading people to Christ, helping them define and delineate their relationship with the Living God. 

How does one measure "success", then?  Since I've taken my new job, my prayer has been,  "Please God:  prosper what you want to prosper here, and keep me out of Your way."  The most important line in the Our Father prayer, I believe, is:  Thy will be done.

But I'm still upset when I plan a meeting for particular ministry team and only two people show up.  "Okay, God - what's going on?  I did this for You, ya know."  I did all the planning, the copying, the organizing.   Heck, I even bought apple cider and snacks.  "Why didn't you make THIS prosper, God?"

That means, I want God's will, but MY way.  Huh.  I don't think that is what "thy will be done" means.  My conclusion:  I'm not really meaning what I pray.  Even though I want what He wants, I still - very often - want it MY way.  I want my vision and my success.  And that is a hard truth to face about myself.

The only way I know how to fix this is to get back on my knees.  And keep praying,  "God, prosper what you want to prosper, and keep me - and my big, stupid, bumbling ego - out of the way."

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