Monday, October 11, 2010
Hey baby, what's in this for ME???
This past Sunday, though, I got mad. This babe, Faith Salie, did a navel-gazing piece on her own fertility. She has had her eggs frozen in the hopes that she'll have a baby someday, even though she has no father-in-waiting. What really bugged me (beyond the ethical questions) is how incredibly SELFISH this whole piece was. It was all ME, ME, ME: in the short piece, she used the words "I" and "my" about 25 times. SHE wants to take charge of HER fertility, SHE really wants to have a baby, she is upset that her insurance won't pay for this.
She never once mentions what a baby or child may want or need. Like a dad.
I'm really compassionate about infertility. (By the way, there is no mention in Faith's article about infertility. She's just hedging her bets against a ticking bio-clock.) I know what it means to desperately want a baby and not be able to have one. Been there, bought the mug, the t-shirt, the mousepad and done that. However, I never once believed I DESERVED a child - that the universe owed me that. Further, I knew then what I know now: a kid needs two parents, a mom and a dad. A kid needs a stable home, with two mature parents ready to take on the responsibility of sacrificing for the kid's needs.
And sacrifice we do: sleep, money, time, desires, hobbies, sanity and humility. Having a kid is ALL about the kid, and not about the parents' wishes and desires. Ms. Salie seems to think that just the opposite is true: it's all about what I want, what I deserve, what I think will make my life complete.
One of the hallmarks of maturity should be that one is able to put the needs of the weaker, tenuous, fragile and delicate ahead of one's own. Ms. Salie and her ilk flip that on its head: it's not what the baby needs, it's what I want.
Being a parent is a privilege, and its one that we shouldn't take lightly. I don't suppose the egg-freezing procedure that Ms. Salie was fun, but it sure wasn't about the baby. It was all about ME. And that's not a good place to start making a baby.
You can read Ms. Salie's piece here: http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/10/10/sunday/main6944730.shtml?tag=cbsnewsTwoColUpperPromoArea