Sleepwalking and Insomnia

I've got insomnia.  I think it runs in the family, because my mom goes through bouts of it too.  It's horrible to watch the little red numbers on the clock tick by, hour-by-hour:  "If I can get to sleep now, I can still get in a few hours..." but sleep is elusive.  I think in three nights I had a total of about 8 hours;  by Sunday, I was a zombie.  Trying to follow a TV show plot line proved too much for me.  I knew my eyes were open, but I might as well have been sleepwalking.

A friend of mine gave a talk today to the senior citizens at our church on our spiritual lives.  She's a great speaker, not "dynamic", but you get the feeling that's she just chatting with you over a cup of tea.  She talked about a child who kept getting an old standard prayer mixed up by saying,  "If I should wake before I die...."  That, she said, should be our hope:  that we are fully engaged and enlightened in our spiritual life before we leave this mortal shell behind.  Otherwise, we run the risk of really being dead - dead in our relationship with God. 

The trick is learning how to sleep and be awake wisely - times when our spiritual life is stiff and tired, groggy and weary, and learning to get through that.  Just like my insomnia, these times in our relationship with God will pass if we are faithful and willing to suffer through a bit of the nocturnal nemesis of anxiousness and exhaustion.  That doesn't just effect the body:  it effects the soul. 

Eventually, I will sleep.  The body will right itself.  And I'm sure I will have insomnia again - it comes and goes just like the times when I feel myself distant from God and have to make that right again too.   We all have miles to go before we sleep, every day and in our lives.  Waiting through the night for dawn can be torture, but dawn always comes, and with it, the Light of Life.

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