Skip to main content

You CAN have it all, but.... just can't have it all at once. 

I read this somewhere along the way in my journey of motherhood, and it's stayed with me.  I was thinking just yesterday, as I was laying out my outfit for work, about all those days spent in dirty jeans and smudged t-shirts.  I remember thinking - then - how much I would love to go out to lunch and have a conversation with an adult.  I dreamed of a place that had carpeting that I didn't have to endlessly clean.

Now, of course, my kids don't "need" me in the same daily way, and I miss that sometimes.  Tallest Son and I realized for one period last week, we didn't see each other for almost three full days, even though we live in the same house!  His job, school and social life keep him away from home more often than not.  No more naps on the couch for me, with one kid snuggled under my arm and one kid snuggled behind my crooked legs while a Disney video played.   Now, I'm running around with spreadsheets, paperwork, requests and phone calls and emails to return. 

When I was growing up, "Ms." magazine came to life, telling a bunch of little girls that marriage didn't matter, careers were everything, being a mom was not a terrific choice, and that we could "have it all".  Of course, my generation grew up and found out that you can't really have it all, at least not all at the same time. 

I wouldn't trade my years as a "stay at home mom" for anything.  They were precious and wonderful, despite the days of drudgery and sticky fingers, the pots and pots of macaroni and cheese and those d*^$ cartoon songs I still can't get out of my head.  And now, I'm just as grateful that I have a job I enjoy, that uses that Master's degree I was able to get before the kids came along, and that my marriage is stable, loving and full of trust.

So, you young mothers, take heart:  you can have it all, but not all at once.


  1. I about died when I came up to the line "... those d*^$ cartoon songs I still can't get out of my head"! Talk to my sister ... she may not be able to exorcise them, but I'm sure the two of you would have a grand time going over each one!


Post a Comment

I love comments, even if you don't agree, but please don't leave anonymous posts. A well-mannered reader leaves a name!

Popular posts from this blog

Trying to "end run" God

If you're a football fan, you know what an end run is. From Merriam-Webster:
a football play in which the ballcarrier attempts to run wide around the end of the line We try to "end run" God a lot. I do. I figure I know better. I've got this - no need to worry the Big Guy about such a trivial thing.

Of course, it never works.

Like the puppy above, when we try and evade the tough obstacle (even though we KNOW we will eventually have to do it), we end up - well, off in the bushes.

But oh! How I wished my way worked. I'd love to take a flying leap and land smoothly and gracefully. People would be in awe, as if watching Simone Biles nail a balance beam routine that no one else would even attempt. I would shyly look down and blush - just lightly - and acknowledge (But humbly! Oh so humbly!) my achievement.

But no: I am the one pulling myself out of the bushes, scratches all over my legs and twigs in my hair. I'd hear that gentle but loving voice of God saying, &quo…

Trauma Mama

Dear Husband and I both enjoy certain medical shows, such as "ER" and "Code Black." ("St. Elsewhere" was another fave!) These shows revolve around trauma: humans who'd been ambushed by life: a car accident, a fire, and abuse, as examples.

More often than not, these shows also highlight the trauma the doctors and nurses needed to deal with. Having a patient die is always offensive to a doctor: they are charged with saving lives and losing one is the ultimate failure. Nurses spend more time with patients, and can forge strong bonds with people that may be in their lives for just a few days.

But trauma doesn't always look like a bloody body being wheeled into an emergency room, or a house surrounded by fire trucks and police cars. Trauma comes in many forms.

According to one website, trauma can look like surgery. It can look like moving. Trauma can be losing a beloved spouse or more horrifying, a child. Trauma can also be chronic pain, loneliness, m…

Be Brave

A few years ago, it came to my attention that a young family member was struggling with anxiety and depression. I was able to share with her a bit of my own struggles, and let her know she wasn't alone.

A few weeks after our talk, I saw the movie, "Brave." It struck me that the young protagonist, Merida, modeled a great quality. She was indeed brave.

Being brave is not about recklessness. It is not about confidence. It's not about being foolish, or looking for glory in the eyes of others.

Bravery is about doing what is right, even when you are a quivering mess. It's about knowing that things may not turn out the way you expected, but forging ahead anyway. Being brave is standing by the hospital bed while a loved one is dying, and all you really want to do is turn back time. Bravery is standing up to a bully, when your legs are screaming for you to run. Brave is doing what needs to be done even when you're scared and tired and feeling helpless and hopeless.

I …