Saturday sighing....

artist Tara Donovan
Dark-haired Daughter has been home for about 3 weeks now, and we've had our first string of bad days.  Now, when we have bad days, I'm not talking about moodiness and being out-of-sorts; I'm talking about Daughter banging her head against the wall so hard it leaves a fist-sized dent because she is told she can't use the phone.  I'm talking about Daughter threatening to drown herself in a near-by pond.  Bad days.

The worst part for me is the stress it creates for the other kids.  I literally see them shrink.  They flee - anywhere but home is a good place, and that is exactly the opposite of what life is supposed to be.  I haven't been sleeping, so...here I am, up way too early on a Saturday morning (I've spent the last two hours curled up in a chair in the living room, listening to quiet music), and wondering if God hears my prayers.

Listen, God, to my prayer;
do not hide from my pleading;
hear me and give answer.
I rock with grief; I groan
at the uproar of the enemy,
the clamor of the wicked.
They heap trouble upon me,
savagely accuse me.
My heart pounds within me;
death’s terrors fall upon me.
Fear and trembling overwhelm me;
shuddering sweeps over me.
I say, “If only I had wings like a dove
that I might fly away and find rest.
Far away I would flee;
I would stay in the desert. 
“I would soon find a shelter
Selahfrom the raging wind and storm.”  Psalm 55:2-9


Well, the sun will be up soon, and my tea is hot.  I've thrown in a load of laundry and said my Morning Prayers.  Even if I think God does not hear me, I will act as if He does, because He is faithful and true, even when I am tired and wavering.

3 comments:

  1. Of course he hears your prayers Elise. But, sometimes He knows that we need to wait for His response and that, in waiting, we will find a renewal of strength.
    God bless.

    ReplyDelete
  2. i needed that last sentence right in this moment more than i can say...thank you for being a conduit for the Holy Spirit

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm so glad you were able to find something here that brings you some comfort and hope.

    ReplyDelete

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