My spiritual journey: dark and wandering

"Wood for the Trees" - Natasha Law
I was given an assignment for Easter Sunday by the Franciscan Sisters I hang out with.  (By the way, it wasn't just me, it was all the adults in our lay group.)  The task is to create some sort of representation of our spiritual journey to date, including our reception of various sacraments, important events, etc.

I cannot do it.

I mean, I CAN, I'm just struggling.  Part of it is time - it's sort of a big task, and I'm swamped this week.  Between taking over a new job at work, trying to get ready for Easter and still nursing a pinched nerve, I'm short on time.  But I know that's not everything.

My spiritual journey right now is somewhere in the Dark Forest of Doubt, Anger and Fed-Up.  I took a hard left turn back in January when my daughter was assaulted, and now I'm wandering.  I'm not lost.  I'm not scared.  I'm just here.  It really doesn't make for a fun-filled "let's show off our spiritual journey" scrapbook for Easter Sunday.

I know; that's not all there is to anyone's spiritual journey.  But it's not a lot of fun to celebrate all this when I'm standing here in the deep, dark forest.  I keep wondering what Easter morning will be like:  will I finally see the sun shine, or will I still be so deep in the forest that the warmth of the sun won't reach down to forest floor?  Will the tomb be empty for me, or will I be there, in those dark hours between the Crucifixion and Sunday morning, alone and wondering what is next?

Will there be an alleluia, an amen or just a sigh?


2 comments:

  1. From what you have just posted, I suggest creating only a black page, with a very tiny yellow pinpoint almost in the center; the light at the end of the tunnel. I will be praying for you especially during Easter Vigil. --- Rosemary

    ReplyDelete
  2. Rosemary: sometimes I wonder if the light at the end of the tunnel is just the on-coming train....

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