Anger


I guess it was Freud that said anger turned inward is depression. I can't say Sigmund got much right, but apparently he nailed this one for me. I'm mad at everybody.

I am plenty mad at God, and He knows it.

I am mad at everyone involved in my daughter's assault, from the men who violated her, to the cop who took 30 minutes to interview her and then said, "She won't make a good witness" and refused to do anything further with the case, to the school staff that allowed her to walk out the door without a parent signing her out, to the ER doctor who acted as if she were treating a plague victim.

I am mad at myself for not protecting my daughter.

I am mad at the birth mother of my children for giving them cocaine as a way to start their lives.

I am angry that bad things happen to the innocent and there is not a damn thing I can do about it.

Now what?

4 comments:

  1. That's righteous anger, use it to fuel something worthy that needs that sort of fire. Put the project in the hands of Our Lady, who couldn't protect her kid either. Find a smart and holy spiritual director if you can, Opus Dei are good for helping to sanctify lay people's lives. And exercise like a mad thing.

    Faustina.

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  2. All good advice. Thankfully, I have a fabulous, holy and sensible spiritual director.

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  3. You are one lucky lady in that regard then! I am envious of you. I'm so sorry you're feeling down, I really am. Walking far and fast with an enthusiastic dog (for safety) and your ipod blaring The Ramones or Vivaldi can exhaust you beyond endurance. Depression can leave me lethargic yet unable to sleep because my heart is so anxious and low. Rest is impossible. That's why I really recommend the exercise thing, for rest is vital to get over that rotten hurdle. I'd pray the Rosary while in bed too and don't worry if you conk out, your guardian angel will finish it for you. :-)

    Faustina.

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  4. I have been walking the puppy! And playing music! I have to ride a shuttle bus every morning and I pray the morning office during that time. Being patient is hard - I know it will get better, but ugh! I feel so horrid now.

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