"Don't worry; I have everything under control!"

The funny thing about having things under control is that...I don't. I want to. I really do. I want everything to go my way, under my direction, according to my plan.

Huh.

Heather King, a Catholic writer, said that Christ "didn't force or judge, just invited me to do a little better, then put the challenges in my path to teach me how." I am sure Christ did the same for me, but I was too stupid and hard-headed to notice.It has taken this truly horrid bought of depression and anxiety (which I'm still fighting) to get my attention.

There's the "let go and let God" school of thought, and then there's the "God helps those who help themselves" ideal. There must be some balance, but I've always placed all my eggs in the latter basket. Oh, I pray and ask for help, but I don't think I really mean it. I think I mean, "Hey, God: I'm gonna be doing this today. Clear the road for me, okay? Get everybody out of my way so things will turn out the way I want them to. Amen." I'm pretty sure that's not the radical and utter dependence on God that I should be striving for. 

For now, I am daily reminding myself that I DO NOT have everything under control. In fact, I can't even seem to remember to relax my shoulders from moment to moment; I have to keep reminding myself to do it. I can't control the interruptions to my work day, the fact that the puppy stole my shoe (again), that Tallest Son lost five of the ten dollars I gave him on Monday morning. I can't control much.

But I'll keep praying: "God, help me know that you're in control."

3 comments:

  1. The other day I was lamenting something that I kept trying to control and couldn't. I was praying away at Mass. After Mass, a man came up to me for no reason and said, "I was really thinking about the Serenity Prayer today and wanted to tell you." So here I go trying to have the serenity to accept the things I can't change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

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  2. It's the "wisdom to know the difference" part that keeps getting me hung up!

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