What hubris have I

It is not fun to be in a "dry" place spiritually. You find yourself saying, not praying, prayers a lot, but you keep at it. You do all the things you are supposed to do: keep close to the sacraments, do good works, pray, read the saints. Yet, there is no consolation.

That is, you don't "feel" good about your faith. You don't, in fact, "feel" much of anything. There is not a closeness to God that gives comfort, a joy from your faith that gives courage and vitality. There is no drink of water to quench the powerful thirst you have for Christ.

I've been in this place for awhile. I'm sort of used to it, and I just try to trudge along as best I can. However, this past weekend, I REALLY wanted to feel something. I REALLY wanted a little bit of joy, of inspiration, of comfort. Where better at the Easter Vigil Mass or the Easter Sunday Mass? And so I prayed for just that. I prayed that God would grant me just a bit of joy, a bit of comfort, a bit of consolation.

Somewhere in the midst of Mass on Sunday, I thought to myself, "What hubris! Who the heck do I think I am, asking God for this? Surely, God knows what He is about, and there is some reason why I am where I am." And I stopped praying those prayers.

 He found them in a wilderness,
a wasteland of howling desert.
He shielded them, cared for them,
guarded them as the apple of his eye,
Dt. 32:10


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