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Out of control, and it's okay


My mantra right now is "I'm not in control, but God is, and it's okay."

This may sound like a simple and obvious (duh!) idea, but for a recovering perfectionist/control freak, this is a huge matter of acceptance. Youngest Son is in some deep trouble, and my heart is breaking. All I can do right now is pray.

And pray I do. I ask for the intersessions of lots of saints, and I beg God that Son's misery continues until Son realizes that a huge part of his problem is spiritual and he needs God. That's a hard prayer to pray: "God, please make sure my son is miserable until he realizes how much he needs you, and begs for your forgiveness." But it's the only prayer that makes any sense right now.

I want so much to jump in and fix, but I can't. Youngest Son is old enough, big enough, strong enough that short of tying him to his bed, he can choose to do what he wants. We set limits, rules, and consequences; he has free will.

I am SO not in control. But God is. So all is well. (Repeat as necessary.)

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