Skip to main content

Things people without children do not understand

  1.  How a normal, intelligent woman can be brought to tears over a child removing his diaper three times in a row. So he can play with it. And watch himself pee.
  2. How having all the kids asleep by 8 p.m. can constitute a "date night."
  3. The difference between a trip to Target with children (nightmarish, eternal) vs. a trip to Target without children (joyful, delicious)
  4. I am dressed.
  5. These aren't pajama pants. They're yoga pants.
  6. Yoga means, "I am playing on the floor with Barbie, Legos and Elmo trying to please all children simultaneously."
  7. Teens are incredible. They can hold conversations, be actually helpful with chores, and are developing interests and hobbies. They will do none of this with their own parent.
  8. Parent-teacher conferences cannot be attended while drunk and should not be attended while sober. Conundrum.
  9. That degree you got? Yeah. Shoulda gotten a taxi license instead. And a barber license. 
  10. At least one of your children will be unhappy at any given time. If you're in public, it will be at least two of the children.
  11. People will compliment you regarding your children, and you'll smile and say "thank you" while secretly wondering if they are talking about the right kid.
  12. You don't know stress. Or grief. Or joy. 
  13. Children have virtually limitless imaginations. Especially when it comes to what can be put in the toilet. You'll get to know a plumber well.
  14. The weather on the first day of summer vacation will be terrible. Just expect it.
  15. A vacation with children is about as relaxing as waiting to be taken into surgery. Without the drugs.
  16. Kids will surprise you. Over and over. The trick is to ponder the good surprises and not the bad ones.
  17. There is not such thing as a bad kid. Just a hurting kid. And sometimes, you can't take away the hurt. That hurts.
  18. Every family should know at least one sane psychologist. And speak to him/her frequently. I'm not kidding.
  19. Chores done imperfectly are still chores done. Martha Stewart doesn't live here. And if she did, my kids would drive her screaming into the street with their intentional clutter.
  20. You say you won't let the kids watch that much TV. Until you realize you can't make dinner without yet another round of Disney Sing-a-Long. And then that slowly grows into, "Sure turn on cartoons and eat cereal out of the box. Just let us sleep in." Eventually, the TV is on 24/7 and you are seriously thinking of deducting it on your income tax as one of your kids.

Comments

  1. Love this! Thank you for sharing! :-) ~ Rosemary

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

I love comments, even if you don't agree, but please don't leave anonymous posts. A well-mannered reader leaves a name!

Popular posts from this blog

Trying to "end run" God

If you're a football fan, you know what an end run is. From Merriam-Webster:
a football play in which the ballcarrier attempts to run wide around the end of the line We try to "end run" God a lot. I do. I figure I know better. I've got this - no need to worry the Big Guy about such a trivial thing.

Of course, it never works.

Like the puppy above, when we try and evade the tough obstacle (even though we KNOW we will eventually have to do it), we end up - well, off in the bushes.

But oh! How I wished my way worked. I'd love to take a flying leap and land smoothly and gracefully. People would be in awe, as if watching Simone Biles nail a balance beam routine that no one else would even attempt. I would shyly look down and blush - just lightly - and acknowledge (But humbly! Oh so humbly!) my achievement.

But no: I am the one pulling myself out of the bushes, scratches all over my legs and twigs in my hair. I'd hear that gentle but loving voice of God saying, &quo…

So close to Jesus

This past Sunday, at Mass, Dear Husband and I had the great good fortune of having a dad, toddler and infant sit next to us in the front pew.

"Good fortune?" you say. Sounds horrible. Kids are so distracting. Put 'em in the nursery.

Nope. We sit up in the front pew, and always invite parents with young kids to come and sit with us. Having raised 5 hyper kids, we can pretty much ignore anything, plus kids do much better when they can see what's going on.

I have to admit, I wanted the toddler to act up a bit so I could whisper to the dad, "I'll watch the baby if you have to take him out."

Instead, we saw something rather remarkable.

Oh, the toddler (not quite 2) was a toddler. He was a bit anty. He wasn't quite sure that he liked seeing his mommy in front, cantoring, where he couldn't get to her. He whined and fussed a bit.

But during the Consecration, his enormous blue eyes locked onto the priest. That baby boy saw Jesus up there. You could just…

Fading Into Friday

It's been a long week. Monday was just ... bad. I ticked off our IT guy at work by opening up one of those d*%$ emails that as soon as you click on it, you think, "Oops." So I trotted over to his office, and he promptly yelled at me. Like I was a child. Or stupid. Or a stupid child.

This was after I found out that every imaginable driving route from my home to office and back home again is under construction. Can't get there from her. Orange barrels. Must as well sleep in the office.
This, combined with the fact that I am now the ONLY person on the planet who stills checks their blind spot before changing lanes, makes me want to quit my job and go live in a yurt.

Our health insurance company sent us these gloom and doom letters that Dear Hubby and I HAD to go online and fill out a health assessment NOW or OUR INSURANCE WOULD BE CANCELLED!!! They were SERIOUS! So, I went online Wednesday. Their system was down for maintenance.

Tried again yesterday. I swear I could n…