Skip to main content

Things people without children do not understand

  1.  How a normal, intelligent woman can be brought to tears over a child removing his diaper three times in a row. So he can play with it. And watch himself pee.
  2. How having all the kids asleep by 8 p.m. can constitute a "date night."
  3. The difference between a trip to Target with children (nightmarish, eternal) vs. a trip to Target without children (joyful, delicious)
  4. I am dressed.
  5. These aren't pajama pants. They're yoga pants.
  6. Yoga means, "I am playing on the floor with Barbie, Legos and Elmo trying to please all children simultaneously."
  7. Teens are incredible. They can hold conversations, be actually helpful with chores, and are developing interests and hobbies. They will do none of this with their own parent.
  8. Parent-teacher conferences cannot be attended while drunk and should not be attended while sober. Conundrum.
  9. That degree you got? Yeah. Shoulda gotten a taxi license instead. And a barber license. 
  10. At least one of your children will be unhappy at any given time. If you're in public, it will be at least two of the children.
  11. People will compliment you regarding your children, and you'll smile and say "thank you" while secretly wondering if they are talking about the right kid.
  12. You don't know stress. Or grief. Or joy. 
  13. Children have virtually limitless imaginations. Especially when it comes to what can be put in the toilet. You'll get to know a plumber well.
  14. The weather on the first day of summer vacation will be terrible. Just expect it.
  15. A vacation with children is about as relaxing as waiting to be taken into surgery. Without the drugs.
  16. Kids will surprise you. Over and over. The trick is to ponder the good surprises and not the bad ones.
  17. There is not such thing as a bad kid. Just a hurting kid. And sometimes, you can't take away the hurt. That hurts.
  18. Every family should know at least one sane psychologist. And speak to him/her frequently. I'm not kidding.
  19. Chores done imperfectly are still chores done. Martha Stewart doesn't live here. And if she did, my kids would drive her screaming into the street with their intentional clutter.
  20. You say you won't let the kids watch that much TV. Until you realize you can't make dinner without yet another round of Disney Sing-a-Long. And then that slowly grows into, "Sure turn on cartoons and eat cereal out of the box. Just let us sleep in." Eventually, the TV is on 24/7 and you are seriously thinking of deducting it on your income tax as one of your kids.

Comments

  1. Love this! Thank you for sharing! :-) ~ Rosemary

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

I love comments, even if you don't agree, but please don't leave anonymous posts. A well-mannered reader leaves a name!

Popular posts from this blog

Trying to "end run" God

If you're a football fan, you know what an end run is. From Merriam-Webster:
a football play in which the ballcarrier attempts to run wide around the end of the line We try to "end run" God a lot. I do. I figure I know better. I've got this - no need to worry the Big Guy about such a trivial thing.

Of course, it never works.

Like the puppy above, when we try and evade the tough obstacle (even though we KNOW we will eventually have to do it), we end up - well, off in the bushes.

But oh! How I wished my way worked. I'd love to take a flying leap and land smoothly and gracefully. People would be in awe, as if watching Simone Biles nail a balance beam routine that no one else would even attempt. I would shyly look down and blush - just lightly - and acknowledge (But humbly! Oh so humbly!) my achievement.

But no: I am the one pulling myself out of the bushes, scratches all over my legs and twigs in my hair. I'd hear that gentle but loving voice of God saying, &quo…

Crossing Guard

I saw you
today
as you guided
your little man across that busy street.

You were wearing some
big man boots
and
watching cars and lights.

Your little man had on
black sneakers and
a Mickey Mouse hat
that bounced
as he walked.

He wasn't watching nothing but
your big man boots
and
the white stripes of the crosswalk.

Just before
he got to the sidewalk again,
his step bounced a bit
- he hopped over
a spot where the asphalt broke.

You turned to look,
holding out a hand to
your little man.
Not rushed or angry,
just making sure
he got up
on that sidewalk.

Then you walked on,
in your big man boots,
face into a cold Michigan wind,
with the little man behind,
his hat bouncing.

Be Transfigured

From today's readings: 

Jesus took Peter, James, and his brother, John, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. And he was transfigured before them; his face shone like the and his clothes became white as light.

...we possess the prophetic message that is altogether reliable. You will do well to be attentive to it as to a lamp shining in a dark place until day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts.

Today we celebrate the Transfiguration. For whatever reason, Jesus brought three of His disciples to Mount Tabor to witness this miracle. They weren't sure what they were seeing, but they knew enough to throw themselves to the ground in the presence of Almighty God. St. Peter (who never did anything halfway) excitedly declares that he will erect tents on the mountain as a way of memorializing the event. But Jesus tells him and the others that they are not to tell people what they witnessed - at least not yet.

In the second reading, the requirement to be quiet has bee…