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Open Mouth, Insert Foot

I'm sassy. I have a big mouth. I say mean things that I thought would sound witty. Very often, the filter between my brain and my mouth gets shut off.

When I was growing up, my mom would come home from parent teacher conferences, and I'd be waiting for the report. I was a good student, so I was never really worried about grades. My mom would sigh and say, "They all said the same thing. You're a good student, and you have a big mouth." Yeah...

I like to think that I'm honest. I also know that "honest" sometimes comes across as "brutal." I don't intend to be mean, or put people on the defensive, but it happens. You'd think that by this point in my life, I'd have this figured out, but ... no.

Proverbs 15:4: "A soothing tongue is the tree of life." One must assume that a sharp tongue kills.

When I decided last year that it was time to look for a new job, I had to take a good, long and  honest look at myself. I knew I had to bear some of the responsibility for why my then-job had become unbearable. I said stuff I shouldn't. I was pushy.

Now, I find myself in much the same situation with a family member.

I'm a big believer in "having the last word." I have to win the argument, cut to the quick, be witty and win. Of course, this means no one wins - everyone walks away feeling hurt.

I'm 51 years old. Why do I still do this? Why can't I keep my lips sealed, my mouth shut? Why, as St. Paul says, do I keep doing things I know I shouldn't and failing to do the things I should??

Because I'm a sinner. I can't do it on my own.

Thankfully, there is Confession. And I need to go.

And I need to apologize.

And I need to keep my mouth shut.

I'll try. That's all I can do.

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