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BE something or DO something?

As my anxious mind was over-working itself in the wee hours of the morning, I was interspersing worry with prayer. "God, what do you want me to DO? Three months of job searching and I still don't know what you want me to DO!"

We like to DO. We want to be busy and to contribute and to look back and feel accomplished. But that often isn't what it needed, necessary or good.

A dear friend is sitting vigil with his mother right now. She is dying of cancer. I've been there. At some point in the care of the loved one, the discussions move from "what do we do" to just being. There isn't anything we can DO in the dying process - God calls us to simply BE with our loved one. And anyone who thinks this is easy or not helpful or not unsettling has never done it.

In Genesis, Jacob/Israel wrestles with "a man" whom Biblical scholars say is God. When the man tells Jacob to let go, Jacob refuses. He won't let go until he gets a blessing. Now, if this were happening to me, I'd probably not let go even after I got the blessing. I'm stubborn that way.

How many times do we "give it to God" and then continue to wrestle Him for it? We pray for God's will, and then go about our day trying to ram square pegs into round holes. We are not content to live in God's presence; we have to wrestle with Him for His blessing.

And in the wee hours this morning, I realized that I've been searching for something to DO instead of simply BEing. As hard as it is, I really must let God reveal Himself in this portion of my life in the way He wills. I have to stop the wrestling, stop the begging for something to DO and simply BE the person God has created me to be.

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